Act 1| SUBTLE CHANGES &17 BABY MAMAS ENDING IN AN EPIPHANY

It’s power in them rolling hills~The Light Of The Sun: Jill Scott

Not much has changed from the outside.Other than…I think I’ve finally grown into my head.  I’ve gained a few, of course never in the places that bring any joy to men, but I gave that hope up a long time ago. After all, what I lack, I more than make up for in personality, is what I tell myself. Oh and I’ve discovered a few new freckles and spots other than the ones that I have grown accustomed to.

But I’m different now.Life has happened to me a few times and I’ve handled it a lot poorer than I would have imagined. I’ve experienced some hard truths, internalized them, and summarized these particulars into how I like to put it, things I did and allowed to happen from my broken place. If I’m honest with myself, I can tell you that it is more like me to do everything but go through pain. Hard headed is what some would call it, but I’m more familiar with this sequence as fear.

Jacket-Aritria (similar) / Dress- Topshop (similar)/Boots- Vagabond 
Photo's by Erica Lavelanet

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But as a wise TV life coach devoted to fixing peoples lives told me (directly through my humble but beloved 24” screen) “extended and extensive pain will render you unconscious” because I know that I wasn’t the only one who was affected by the 4 part series of the man with 40 kids. Yes, I am aware that this is not breaking news/this ain't new. I also know that I wasn’t the only one conveniently streaming this from YouTube. Not because I am one of those cool people who doesn’t have time for TV, but because I am not one of those cute girls who moved to Bed Stuy because it was up and coming (and slightly gentrified); it is what I can barely afford, and cable is just not one of those luxuries at the moment.

But back to my epiphany, and the new affirmation that I have began to chant to quietly comfort me throughout my day:

“This is your journey, your testimony, continue to embrace the challenges and be forgiving to yourself” also followed by breathe and I’m not going to die” helps too. What I take from this is that prolonging your pain only makes less sense of the lessons that life is trying to teach you.

peace Xx